Little Scoli Chloé

It's crazy for me to think back to being thirteen sometimes. Most thirteen year old girls are getting excited to begin their last year of middle school, where you have waited years to be the oldest, and coolest in school. Maybe thinking about all the boys they would like this year, or "go out with". But twenty years ago, all I could think about was the massive spinal surgery I had scheduled at the end of the summer. This August marks my 20th Anniversary (capitalized because we should celebrate) of my scoliosis surgery, and it's incredible to think it has been that long. When I was eleven years old I started wearing a back brace that was molded to my body and would only fit me. Yes, I was THAT girl in school with a back brace on. Luckily I was able to wear mine underneath my clothes but at the time, I had to buy everything two sizes larger because the brace was about an inch thick in some areas. So here I was, this poor little girl in junior high with this embarrassing brace buckled on to my tiny little frame and flattening my butt too since it went down past my behind. Some of the kids would sit behind me in class and find the holes in the plaster that would perfectly fit their pencil, leaving me with pencils sticking out of my shirt. My "friends" would sing the Ninja Turtle theme song and finish with, "Chloé in a half shell, turtle power!" Yes, this happened, but I didn't really mind. Some days I enjoyed the attention, other days I would go home crying and throw my stinky white plaster brace at the wall in my room and refuse to wear it the rest of the day. All in all, I didn't have a choice, it was what it was, my life. And I had to get rid of this huge curve in my back and surgery was not an option for me. The thought of having an IV put in me absolutely terrified me (if I only knew that was the easy part). I'll never forget the day my orthopedic doctor told me I had to have surgery and the brace wasn't working. I remember thinking I can't believe I wore this stupid thing for a year and a half, and how the heck am I going to stay still long enough for them to put an IV in my arm at the hospital?

similar brace replica

But I did it. I won't bore you with the sad hospital stories (I could barely breath and had a black eye), or the ones that would make you laugh (I threw up on the priest), because I could go on forever about these. The thing was, was that I did it. This terrified little chicken kid, who was afraid of everything, overcame one of the scariest things I could ever possibly imagine. Now, here I am pregnant. I'll never forget asking my surgeon if it would be hard to have a child when that time came in my life. He said it may be complicated, but I would be just fine. My OBGYN told Ryan and me that I most likely cannot have an epidural due to my entire spine being fused, but that she would do everything in her power to help me still have our baby naturally. If there happen to be complications (ugh) I have to go completely under anesthesia and be out during our daughters' entire birth... so that is not an option. So here I am, now months away from doing the second scariest thing I've ever done in my life.. have a baby. With no drugs. I've been doing my research and practicing all the best breathing and meditation techniques to help me when it comes down to it. I am working on finding the perfect Doula and learning about hypnobirthing, which is a childbirth technique whose basic premise is to remove fear. I know there aren't too many out there who have had the same intense back surgery that I have had (I still cannot bend, nor do a sit up, which I know will make birth that much more difficult). So, I ask any of you that know anyone who has gone through a similar situation to tell me, educate me. I absolutely love hearing all of your stories. They make me feel at ease knowing I'm not alone in this scoliosis-surgery-titanium-rods-natural-birth(YIKES)-situation. I just know when I look back on how strong I was at the age of thirteen, undergoing this intense surgery I never thought possible, that if that girl can do it, this thirty three year old woman can do ANYTHING, right?

Straw Hat: Nordstrom Rack Off the shoulder shirt: Forever 21 Sunnies: ASOS